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Fukuda Denshi, Sunday 6th December.
Chiba…
The name evokes images of some far flung tropical retreat, alabaster beaches, water so clear you swear you can see mermaids circling Atlantis below, a paradise where suntanned beauties serve you oversized cocktails grasped between their ample bosom, their hands free to fan you with a Phoenix’s feather.
In reality the oil refinery in the distance and enough grey concrete to make a Soviet town planner weep with glasnost was not quite what The George were expecting on their first visit to Fukuda Denshi .Thankfully the pitch looked top quality and they had a full squad of 15, no suntanned beauties sadly although in the evening light you could swear Steinson looks like an older, drunker Hasslehoff.
Although winning both games 5-0 then 5-1 last season against Guarana F.C. the team were loathe to be complacent, especially as this season Guarana had appeared to improve their goal scoring record and even earning a creditable draw against Shane F.C. After last week’s opening 4-3-3 debacle The George reverted to 4-4-2 looking to control the centre of midfield through Bates and Tomoki hopefully freeing Alex down the right. And so it was that a few lofted balls in behind the opposition defence severely tested them as Alex pressured them with his pace and dribbling. But Guarana certainly did look stronger in defence than last year, for about 8 minutes when their centre-back attempted a Cruyff turn 20yds from his own goal only for Katsu to tackle him, the ball luckily ricocheting to the left-back. But it was the sign King George was waiting for, a few minutes later another ball over the top which Alex raced onto and chipped delicately over the onrushing keeper. 1-0.
After seeing how badly they were dealing with the pace of the King George attack, Guarana were expected to play a much deeper, however amazingly they continued to play a defensive line so high you could’ve put Bob Marley and Pete Doherty on top of Peter Crouch’s shower head and they would still have been 10yds behind them . As such another pass from Colin behind the defence released the not-quite-as-fast-as-Conidi but still pretty sharpish Katsu who placed the ball past the keeper with ease. 2-0 and Guarana heads were dropping. 20min now gone the George brought on Adz for the Aldair-esque John at Left-back, “Not so quick” Alex for Kenichi at Centre-back, Sean for Bates in the middle, “I’m getting a hat-trick” Steinson up front for Katsu and “Ginger” Iain on at right-back for Graham Alexander, just off the plane from Burnley.
Almost immediately Sean’s height in midfield was making a difference, and he showed his tackling prowess soon after as he robbed yet another Guarana player dawdling around the 20-25yd area, turned and coolly lobbed the keeper who was nearer to the George goal line than his own. 3-0.
Soon after a corner was won down the right side, the resulting inswinger was popped up in the air and was coming down at the far post when a Guarana player inexplicably attempted a back-header to the keeper from 8yds out, Tomoki nipped in before it hit the ground and lashed it past the hapless keeper.
Halftime: 4-0
Already feeling well in control of the game the George utilised all 5 substitutes again, removing the 5 who hadn’t yet been subbed, Fernando, Dan, Kenichi, Colin and Graham Alexander.
As Kenny Rogers sang (I say “sang” he probably still does sing but I wouldn’t know, we haven’t exchanged telegrams since I told him that Colonel Sanders was the best bearded poultry-frying entrepeneur in Christendom) “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em”, and wise words they are. Maybe it doesn’t translate well, maybe Guarana don’t like King Kenny, either way Guarana elected to start with 3 up front. Almost immediately the centre of midfield resembled a tangerine tidal wave, the opposition defence falling deeper and deeper until finally Bates managed to squirm into some space on the edge of the area, take time to line himself up and drive a rocket shot straight at the keeper who appeared to wilt into celery at the sight of such a ferocious drive and let it sail past him. 5-0.
Guarana the managed to finally get a bit of luck as the previously solid George defence got in each others’ way and allowed them to play one of their ever increasing number of forwards through on goal. Just as the defence closed in the striker took his shot just inside the box but was beaten away strongly by the gammon-like fists of Bauer.
Defence high, defence deep, neither seemed to be working for Guarana and as such they were leaving a lot of space all over the park as their formation ebbed and flowed between 3-1-5 and 5-1-3. Their full-backs looking particularly tired, Speedy Conidi Schumachered down the right and played in a low cross that Ginger Ian turned in at the near post. Classy finish from the Crimson Ibrahimovic and 6-0.
Like a long-married couple Bates decided to try something fresh and untried to spice up the George forward line by bringing rugged centre-back Dan on up front. No sooner had he done so than another cross came in from the right bouncing at waist height, Dan got goal-side of the defender and stooped a mere 11-feet to head the ball straight at the keeper, but he collected the rebound and bundled it into the onion bag like a very large black and white onion. 7-0 and now even defenders were scoring. CANADIAN defenders.
Maybe believing that it was better to restrict the opposition to long-range efforts rather than getting opened up on the flanks Guarana adapted an Alamo style defensive cordon about 20yds from goal, which did seem to work but much like Japanese painkillers only for about 6-8 minutes. They headed a ball clear, Sean headed the ball left to Tomoki who fizzed a 25yd half-volley along the deck and into the bottom left corner. 8-0 and sublime strike from The Terminator and possibly the best goal of the game. So far. What came next was not the best goal of the game but easily the best miss. Another headed clearance barely reaching the 30yd mark, returned by the George midfield to Colin Cameron, yes that Cameron c-a-m-e-r-o-n who had ample time to control the ball, stare down the keeper, play a few rounds of Modern Warfare 2, pick his spot and volley wildly over the bar.
Not content with out-muscling the Guarana defensive unit, I say unit as it now appeared to be one very tired and grumpy Japanese man, Dan decided he was going to do the unfathomable and outpace it. A bit of head tennis in midfield ended up with the ball looping goalward, using his experience of marshalling many an offside trap Dan had timed his run perfectly. But what was this? The keeper was moving! Towards Dan! It was like watching 2 sloths chasing a coconut from opposing sides of a giant green marshmallow. As the 2 perambulating primates reached the edge of the 18yd sherbert Dan stretched a leg at the last moment but skied the ball a good 30m into the air, only for it to defy the laws of physics and somehow drop into the goal. 9-0 captain Bates’ tactics were ensuring George would be bringing home the (Canadian) bacon tonight.
Feeling slightly left out on the left flank Fernando was feeling slightly aggrieved that most of the play was going down the George’s right. Indeed Alex had given the Guarana full-back a torrid time all game but even he was beginning to tire. The next time the ball came to Bates in midfield he fed Colin about 30yds from goal, ever unselfish he played the ball into a seemingly empty left channel, soon it was filled by Argentine cavalry screams and the ball was curled into the far right netting from 20yds. 10-0 and a fitting team goal to a great team performance. Almost at the death the Guarana 6-man forward line forged some space down the George’s right, pushed out wide the Guarana inside-right-wing-forward fooled everyone by shaping for a cross but then rasping a shot at goal. Thankfully Bauer in nets was the only one not fooled and he managed to come out of his musical wonderland for a split-second to tip the shot onto the bar and keep his outstanding record of clean sheets intact.
Next up a top of the table clash against the JETS 2nds, the best defence in the league against one of the best forward lines. Like the romantic comedy "Something's Gotta Give" but who will be Jack nicholson? And who will be Diane Keaton?
Lets just hope the ref isn't Keanu Reeves.
Report by Adz Mcann
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