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Fukuda Denshi, Saturday, May 9th
With animal welfare representatives waiting in the wings, Sala FC did their level best to ensure that these Lions were whipped, tamed and then caged early doors with a minimum of distress to the big cats. With Chief Lion Tamer, Rob Harlow slotting home 2 goals in the first 10 minutes and Head Zoo Keeper, Paul Clarke sweeping out the cages at the back, all that remained for Sala to do was throw a couple of meager scraps to the hungry carnivores, so as not to encourage cries of animal cruelty, have a bitch-fight with each other and ride out the match for a comfortable 2-0 victory. Like clandestine sex had in a public place it felt sooo good. (Apart from the fighting that is).
The game started with Sala testing out an addage similar to that of most good circus acts; if it worked the first time round then why not just trot out the same old twaddle the second time, and true to this philosophy they immediately tested the Lions defence with a couple of probing balls over the top, just like in this fixture last year. Ring Master/Keeper, Guido flighted over the first of these and with the Lions defence moving slower than a week in jail, Rob Harlow burst through and slotted calmly past the Lions keeper. Sala 1-0.
After coming close with Scotty's header from Sam's cross, Sala then made it 2-0 with another long ball which Toby flicked on to Rob. The diminutive goal machine with the biggest arse outside of the bootyliscious Hip Hop video circuit, powered through and slotted home again. Toby and Rob proving to be a winning strike partnership once again.
Sala 2-0.
The Lions tried to fight back quickly and showed some nice touches and talented dribbling as they began to test the Sala defence. But with Yusuke, Ian and Clarkey looking solid at the back, and stand-in keeper, Guido, looking like a titan in goal (does he ever not look like a titan? No he doesn't, big show-off that he is) all the Lions could do was force a few corners. At this point it looked like plain sailing for Sala. Their defence was coping admirably with the Lions attack, their midfield was working hard, and if anything Sala looked the more likely to score with Shigeru, Take and Sam looking for Toby and Rob on the break at every opportunity.
HOWEVER, like all Big Tops you need a couple of clowns to take centre stage and provide a little manic fun. In Brookey and Scotty, Sala brought two notorious purveyors of all things ridiculous and comical. Despite bossing the midfield and running their wee white Sala socks off, these two muppets, armed between them with a scarlet face redder than a spanked arse and a temper to match, a huge ego which would test the capacity of any Big Top, two foul dirty little potty mouths, and more make-up than a 'garu' sitting in the priority seat of a JR train, they hit the self-destruct button, started bitching and fighting with each other, and ultimately disrupted the whole team's performance in a shocking display of childishness . Soooo childish in fact that the referee, Ruben (who had a great game), had to have a word and calm things down. In a game pretty much devoid of any niggle between the opposing teams it was pretty sad that two teammates should provide the biggest disciplinary problem.
In terms of this spats effect on the game, suddenly Shigeru looked isolated against speedy tacklers, the supply to Take, Koji and Sam on the wings became sporadic, and as a result the service to the strikers became limited at best. Despite all this, the best chance before half-time fell to Rob for his hatrick. Take played the ball over and found Rob in acres of space but he drilled the ball wide with a first-time shot. The reason for this, according to Ian, was because he was wearing a dress. Even Torres would struggle in such attire.
Unfortunately, in the second half Sala couldn't recover their momentum enough to add to their tally and the game was played out largely in their half with the team showing a lot of defensive cohesion and hard running. Yusuke put in an appearance as 'Majestic Yusuke' thankfully, Ian was first to almost every through ball and long ball, and Clarkey was the pick of the bunch shackling any attacker that came near him. The Lions created one 1 on 1 which Guido blocked well, but nothing much else aside from that. Sala also created one very good chance when their two clowns linked up in a positive way. Brookey won the ball in midfield, passed to Scotty, who flighted a ball to Rob. He then flicked it on to Toby. 1 on 1 with the keeper he tried to lift the ball over him but the keeper got a hand to it and pulled off the best save of the match. Although, not the most eye-catching one. That was reserved for Brookey's top-corner-bound free-kick a little later.
All in all, a game typical of fixtures between these two teams, and a performance typical of a frustrating Sala team who are their own worst enemy at times. That's what happens when you're all great mates off the pitch, I suppose. All that remains now is to thank the Sala supporters who turned out in their sixes to support Chiba's best loved team.
Man of the Match - Paul 'Lets smell what the Rock's cooking' Clarke.
Sinners of the Match - Stephen 'My nails are scratchier than yours' Brookesmith and Scotty 'Lets make fairy cakes for lunch' Thomson.
Report by Scott Thomson
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