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YC&AC, Saturday 28th March
Tickling sticks don't work
Okay we may be mixing our camp 1970's comedians but the point remains valid. If 'a door opened' last week (it is unclear if the philosopher from Djibouti was referring to an exit route for the toy-chucker or quite what), one closed this week with a loud slam and no mistake for BFC after a 3-0 defeat by YCAC.
And if last week's 2-2 draw with Hibs hadn't officially cooked BFC's goose, this result had the back-to-back TML champions trussed up, apples stuffed in gobs and knackers roasting over an open fire.
A game which began at pedestrian pace soon resembled a wake, both sets of midfielders shuffling around like uncles on a wedding dancefloor, complete with 'white man's over-bite' and elbows tucked tightly by their sides.
The game was on Prozac when BFC needed something with a little more 'How's-Your-Father' to keep their flickering title hopes alive. Which was a pity because YCAC were offering little in the way of 'DO YOU WANT SOME?!' Only Tyson Masar looked like he fancied anything more than a nibble.
With BFC reluctant to commit -- one 'heat check' from Aranda from distance which smashed into the garden shed aside -- YCAC began to amble forward a bit more (yeah, yeah, in footy-speak the word is 'probe' I know, but this game was being played in a tub of treacle). You could have heard a pin drop. You could certainly hear Steve Taw stirring his cup of tea.
Slapped arse
Masar broke the tedium and almost put YCAC in front with a thumping header which hit the bar and came down 'on the line' in a first-half highlight which would have been replayed in slow motion a hundred times on Match of the Day with Lineker asking Hansen about his thoughts on goal line technology. Verdict: no goal, YCAC 'null points'.
But YCAC would not be Luxembourg at the Eurovision Song Contest for much longer. Oh no, sir. That man Masar -- the lad Taw once memorably said 'has a face only a mother could love' -- setting up Russ Philp to sweep home YCAC's opener after 25 minutes (or so).
A clever reverse pass from Masar, but cover at right-back (or where BFC used to deploy a right-back) was having a go on the swings in the kiddies' playground. Not where you want your cover at right-back when YCAC have you four-on-three.
BFC heads hung. In midfield Joe Takeda was, like a mosquito in a sleeping bag, beginning to get on Aranda's tits, although managing to do so without actually breaking any rules. As Taw, being quoted liberally here for some reason, sagely pointed out from the touchline, 'it doesn't take much'. Indeed.
With Aranda busy yapping at the (excellent) referee and YCAC's tubby Australian (sorry, mate, don't know your name but your team-mates reckon you spend too much time in Roppongi!), there was little in the way of creativity, Taka Imai coming closest with a fizzing right-foot strike from 20 metres which took a deflection and flew just wide.
Harrumph!!!
Halftime. No oranges. Changes needed. None made. 1-0 quickly became 2-0. Harrumph!
That it was 'Skippy' who scored it, allowed to turn like the QE2 and hook the ball in after a corner had triggered confusion in the box added insult to injury. By the time reinforcements arrived it had become, unfortunately for BFC, a salvage operation.
Yamagishi, unusually a non-factor, blasted wastefully high with Day, Evans and Imai all wide open to his left.
Himmer almost pulled goal back moments after coming on, latching on to Imai's whipped cross with a powerful header, only for the YCAC keeper to produce a superb fingertip save, touching the ball onto the crossbar when it looked for all the world as if it would be 'game on' again.
Suddenly BFC's tails were up, Imai and Clarke, like the shopkeeper in 'Bod,' appearing from nowhere to ping in all sorts of delicious stuff. Day, hitherto starved of service, came close as he began to transmogrify into a salmon-shaped form again, Evans pulled off his Trojan and came close, Himmer too. But it was too little, too late.
And then a moment that encapsulated the game, Aranda deciding it was his ball and he was taking it and his ice cream home with him.
With BFC players screaming for a short pass left, right, behind and in front of him, the big Paraguayan went for about seven too many party tricks, taking 16 touches when one would have sufficed.
Result: YCAC steal, fast-break, slam dunk and 3-0 with Aranda, who by this point was knackered and frankly a bit of a liability, watching, hands on hips, from the spot he coughed up possession as Hide Yoshioka smashed home YCAC's third. Textbook how-not-to.
Dry paint
As the paint dried on this clash of TML 'superpowers' and this observer schlepped across the other side of Tokyo to Saitama to watch the grass grow while Japan and Bahrain hoofed about in a World Cup qualifier, YCAC looked down on the TML table with a six point lead over Hibs, albeit having played three more games, and 14 clear of BFC in third.
Three-nil was perhaps a tinsy bit harsh on BFC but buckets more character, muscle and RA-RA-RA are needed to beat this very good YCAC side. Masar and that goalkeeper alone (sorry, don't know his name either, but he is mustard) are worth an extra 10 points a season and my money would be on them to sneak the title.
BFC, relieved to see Doyle recover quickly after a nasty bump on the noggin in the first half which had him staggering to the bench a la Gordon Liversidge circa 1984, can take some solace in decent individual performances from Evans, Imai and marathon man Pomares but YCAC deserved their win.
(Bit remembered on Monday but may be air-brushed out by Sid Jong-il)
The ref did miss a nailed-on penalty late on when Clarke was hacked but it was the only thing he missed, to be fair, and BFC complaints quickly faded as you would expect 3-0 down with five minutes left. Would have been nice to beat that keeper once though!
Apart from a brief 15-minute spell in the second half, BFC were not nearly 'nasty' enough to frighten YCAC. Do we still get a UEFA Cup spot for finishing third? Any more of this and it will be Intertoto.
Report by Pinky and Diane
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