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YC&AC, Saturday 8th December,
A Dunkerque Tommie-like performance by British Embassy, Tommy Cooper finishing by Vags, and some debatable refereeing decisions by the Ref saw BEFC run out surprising 3-1 winners in a crucial relegation six-pointer on Saturday at YCAC.
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The pre-bonenkai post-match analaysis of why Vags lost this must-win game unknowingly turned into a A-level Letts Study Aid, somewhere between`Could the Carolingian Empire have survived?` and `Discuss the Causes of World War One`. Discussing the causes of the loss was a bit easier:
1. British Embassy FC
i. Grit – On seeing the oyaji defence on offer (including a very cultured musician for Gawd`s sake), I thought Vags were in for a hatful. However, my thoughts were just echoes of those of the Stuka pilots getting the Maltese finger over Valetta: totally misplaced. “Ils ne passerant pas” became their watchword as they blocked countless shots and got in numerous last ditch tackles. Their midfield were all well up for the scrap and were on us in a second, no space to turn on the baby pitch. Credit to them.
ii. Luck – A dubious penno for goal one; a very lucky bounce on a divet for goal two.
2. The Match Official – Are refs unfairly blamed for costing team`s matches just as Gavrilo Princip is unfairly blamed for causing World War One? An utterly crap question. Princip did not make the decision to start the war; Refs, on the other hand, can make the vital decisions that win and lose games. In this game, without the incorrect decisions by the Ref, the Embassy would almost certainly not have won, as he played a hand in each goal. Is he a bad ref? No. Did he have a bad game? No. Did he gift the three points to the BEFC? Absolutely. Simply because of the three rare decisions that he did get wrong, all three led to a goal.
i. Goal One: A dive that was given as a penalty. Happens every now and again so we have to be philosophical and hope it evens out.
ii. Goal Two: A hand ball by the scorer to control the ball. Appeals were waved away because the lame shot bumbled towards the Vags keeper and blowing would have just stifled the flow. Unfortunately for us and the Ref, when the ball bobbled up and in, he could not then make a retrospective decision. Again, let`s hope it evens out.
iii. Goal Three: A head high challenge won the ball for BEFC. It was punted down pitch, one bounce and expertly slammed home by Voronin`s twin. The ref`s bizarre reasoning for not giving the free kick was that Lyndsey didn’t actually put his head into the high tackle to lose an eye, or even worse, his pin up looks. The Terrence Higgins Trust Calendar for 2008 could have been ruined. Despite applauding the Ref`s usual style of letting the game flow and being no nonsense, this is actually way past that and bordering on irresponsible. Let`s hope nobody gets Quasimodoed over the course of the season. Plastic surgery is expensive - ask Al Himmer.
3. BFC Vagabonds –
i. Bad finishing – Vags had numerous chances that they just did not convert. The Goalie didn`t even have to make a save.
ii. No width – “Looks like bad, schoolboy football”, said one onlooker. We should record a game and blush. From the sidelines, there are 20 players in a small area and big areas of space unused. When players do pull wide, they are ignored. Everything goes the middle and gets clogged up.
Geckoes were enjoyable to watch; we, are most certainly not.
iii. Futsal team – The latter is linked to the 11-a-side futsal team we have become; a bunch of short passing, dribbling chicken heads who cant shoot or cross, as we have forgotten how to do it. Through-balls are over-hit, again as we never practice. Futsal provides good touch but on the pitches we play on it, it is irrelevant. We need practice on big pitches.
iv. Less Grit – We were up for it - other teams will testify we are tough to play against - but on this occasion, overall, BEFC won way too many 50/50s
v. No Calling – Communication on the team is lacking. On receiving the ball, there are shouts of name but no position of where u want it. Basic stuff.
vi. Tactics – Steve MacClaren has proved once and for all, the Brits don’t do 3-5-2. The stats on our goals per game are embarrassing, more so when over half have come from free kicks and pennos. 10 goals in 11 games; 4 of which came in one blitz, and bar that, 3 from open play in the other 10. Lame. Mind-boggling considering we have a great striker.
vii. Lack of Confidence – Some people are starting to lose confidence. Alex Sahara especially looked out of sorts and I don`t blame him, endlessly chasing long punts or waiting to get no service. Our style of play is so predictable that even mid-40s defenders can stifle a prodigious talent without much effort.
viii. No Use of Subs – Every player should have 10 minutes rest to recharge, rehydrate, refocus. If the subs are seen as a risk versus the bottom team, what chance do they have of playing versus the top ones? (i.e. Why bring `em?)
Can any of this be amended? Of course, a good win early year will see to that, but the shape has to change. More so, the mentality: every defeat ends with the same story, “We played well but…”. Watford fans got that all season last year. Are we gonna be the Watford of the TML? (I hope not as they booed Alan Shearer, the fools)
4. Conspiracy Theories
i. A consortium of international bankers rigged the match 9/10
ii. The real Alex was kidnapped 7/10
iii, The ref wants his daughter`s wedding reception at the Embassy 5/10
iv. Everyone hates the British – every competition sees an official from a nation with a chip on its shoulder stick it to us due to our arrogant Imperial past. (Oh, they were British too, and so was he) 0/10
v. Graham took a bung 11/10
5. Others
i. The pitch is tearing up with the onset of winter and cabbages are coming through making good passing football impossible
ii. The ball was too bouncy and hard to control.
iii. It was already written long ago
Conclusion – The Vagabonds team did not play so well and did not score a lot again. On the other hand, the Embassy team was very tough and won the game with determination and good luck. But it was a very good game and sunny. But then I woke up, and it was all a dream…
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C- Must do better.
Footnote: I hope there isn`t a BFC Letts Study Aid entitled `Could Vags have survived their first season in Div One?`. The simple answer about the Carolingians was, “If it could have, it would have”. Let`s not follow in their footsteps.
Report by Kev 'the kit' Gray
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